This is where my thoughts go.....You're reading my mind!

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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Decaffeinated Coffee is a Rip-Off!




I'm writing this because I can no longer stay awake at night! All the coffee in my house is decaffeinated and decaffeinated coffee doesn't get you high and keep you awake.

I'm still trying to understand the reason companies produce Decaffeinated Coffee because I think it's no longer Coffee if there's no Caffeine. Like it's not a blog without a blog post!


Imagine the following scenarios:

Coke without the Carbonate that makes it fizzy.

Ice Cream without Ice or the Cream.

Computers without processors. I wonder if they'll still call them computers.

Phones that cannot make calls. So they'll change the definition of a phone then?

Books with blank pages. Yes, they'll still have attractive covers, but you'll have to buy it for the code so you can download it online!

Watches that don't tell time. They'll still be watches after all, because you'll 'watch' them wouldn't you?

TV without images! I'll just buy a radio then.

Carbohydrates. Basically these are the new Carbohydrates but they do not contain Carbon and Hydrogen at all. So why do you call them Carbohydrates?

Calenders without dates. They'll just have lovely pictures on them. But you can check the date on your phone can't you?

Football without footballers or a ball. Yes! Your favorite footballers will have to be the best FIFA or Pro Evo players around. You'll watch via satellite broadcast on your TV without images…..Oh it'll be called listening.

Computers without monitors. So now you'll have to imagine what is going on in your computer in order to increase human imagination.

A new sky. The sky under the sun has too more UV rays anyway, so we'll have a new blue blanket that changes colour and there'll be no more acid rain.

Blades that don't cut. We're trying to save young children's lives so the blades are just for fun. Why don't you just take the blade away from the children then?

Houses without windows and doors. We want you to enjoy what it feels like to be in the outdoors. We also want you to go back and live in the Stone Age!

No more sex and no more kids! Let's face it! Sex causes too much problems for the human race. So now you buy online kids from extremelycatchywebsitename and you wake up, sit at your no-screen computer and try to bath your kids, get them ready for school, drop them off, pick them up from school, feed them dinner and read them a book till they fall asleep!


I WANT MY CAFFEINATED COFFEE BACK! By the way, does anyone have an alternative and legal stuff to keep me awake?

Monday, May 24, 2010

SWAGGER IS DEAD


At times like these, I wonder what is wrong with us Nigerians. Therefore I decided to write my thoughts on the word ‘swagger’ or ‘swag’ because I am sick of guys wearing cargo pants and white t-shirts in 5000 naira videos telling us they have swagger. I’m also sick of all the posters about ‘swag’ filled shows and parties with ‘full swag’ that only 8 boys end up going for (Unmask your swag!).
So I did some online research and this is what I came up with (thanks to urbandictionary.com). Before you mention ‘swagger’ in that sentence, you want to read these ten definitions.
1.      How one presents him or herself to the world. Swagger is shown from how the person handles a situation. It can also be shown in the person's walk.

2.      A person's style- they way they walk, talk, dress.


3.      Swagger is to conduct yourself in a way that would automatically earn respect
To dress in a very stylish and quirkily fashionable way would suggest one is swagger.


4.      Swagger is the embodiment of swag. The way you walk, talk, and incorporate body language in the art of making yourself intriguing


5.      A demeanor of confidence, coolness, and togetherness. Someone with Swagger gives of an aura of comfortability with his/her self. Swagger is commonly referred to as Swag or Swagga. Swagger is not to be confused with cockiness.

6.      To captivate others in a negative or positive way; To obtain instant attention; To be praised or hated on due to your style of dress, walk, talk, and/or looks. 


7.      A person with confidence and sophistication that earns respect from everyone around them and is basically just really cool. UNFORTUNATELY one can lose their swagger, and instead have a not as cool, schwagger.

8.      A load of sperm in the pants. It’s an insult.


9.      A whale's vagina.

10.  Carrying oneself in a very confident and arrogant way.

SWEET SENSATION HAS GOT NO SWAG.
Sweet sensation’s pay off line used to be – ‘one visit and you’re hooked’ which was fairly true. I don’t know what got into their publicist’s head but they came up with ‘I’ve got swagger’ in the most ridiculous font ever!. I didn’t quite get the font but it’s something like this:






The first time I saw it I’m like  “What?! This aint no swag!”.

What do you think about the misuse of swag?



Sunday, May 23, 2010

No flashing please


'No flashing please' the 3 words after the 080 - ******** under almost every column written in the punch. Turns out Nigerian people like to flash. They flash you on New Year's Day meaning happy new year, they flash you on your birthday, they even flash you on May 1 and you wonder what they all mean.

Conditions for flashing

  1. We have an agreement: Sometimes I tell my friends to flash me when they get home so I can know their safe and well. Sometimes I tell them to flash me at the end of SMSes so I know the message went through and my information has been gotten.
  2. There's an emergency: I flash my parents so they can know they need to call me back urgently!
Those are the only two circumstances under which you should flash people.


Master Flashers

You probably have a friend in this category. They flash you and your phone vibrates, then the call terminates and you're like "Wow!" Some people have mastered the art of flashing so much, the lights of your phone come up for half a second and the lights go off almost immediately. I really megaloathe people who do this. I understand some of this people just want you to call them.


No-reason Flashers

A lot of No-reason flashers are under the category of Master Flashers. They just felt like flashing you. Flashing is the new "Hello". So every time they flash you, It means they're thinking of you. Wow! I really wonder when the vibration of a mobile phone means "Hello".


Flashing is against the law!

In certain 'advanced' countries, Flashing is against the law and your service provider bills you for this. This is because we have to face the truth. Your flash means a lot to the network. Congestions. By flashing a certain number, you're not allowing other calls to go through to the number and you're congesting the networks for no apparent reason. Therefore certain ISPs will charge you for flashing and congesting their networks.

A word is enough for the wise!.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

10 Reasons you shouldn’t quit facebook



So there's been this thing going on about quitting facebook due to privacy reasons. Basically, once you like a page, the Admin manager(s) get to see all your profile information, photos and all the stuff you think you've secured. Top web developers and Internet industry people have called for every facebooker to quit facebook and move to other social networking sites or Project Diaspora coming in the last quarter of the year.

I've put together a list of reasons you shouldn't quit facebook.

  1. Friends and Family: You know how long it took you to find that guy from your high school or that friend you lost contact with when he moved abroad. Now if you delete your facebook account, you might want to think about how you'll reconnect with all these people again. Will they all move to the new alternative?
  2. Photos, videos and notes: Moving to a new social network means going through the whole process again. You have to upload your photos from Spring '09, Summer '09, Winter 09 and Spring '10 all over again. Then you have to reload the videos of the silly things your kids do or the silly rap you and your friends formed when you were bored at school.
  3. Apps: Does your new social network have killer apps and games. Does your network have connection privileges to almost every website and blog in the world? Will you be able to continue your ranking in Vampires? Will you still be the Boss in Mafia wars? Will you be the top sister in Sorority Life?
  4. Celebrities and Companies: Are all your favorite celebrities and brands going to switch to whatever alternative you choose?
  5. Third party applications: Facebook has got so many 3rd party applications for uploads and updates. You want to find out if your new network has as many 3rd party applications as Facebook.
  6. Is online privacy real?: If Privacy is your biggest worry, you want to ask if there's really anything like online privacy. Websites get your IP address on their analytics once you visit, Your ISP saves everything you do for a few hours or days before they are deleted. Every IM you send, Every facebook update, Every Twitter tweet, Every stumble stumbled and every digg dugged.
  7. Is it by force: Remember facebook does not force you to 'like' or 'allow' certain applications. You do so at your own jurisdiction and risk
  8. Isn't it too late: You've already made Mark Zuckerberg the world's youngest billionare. He'll just buy something else and promote it or even create another web innovative.
  9. Facebook has enough privacy options: All you have to do is checkout Account>>Privacy Settings
  10. Seriously dude or chick, There's no need to leave facebook just fix your privacy and application settings.

The Bounty Hunter{Movie Review}


Starring Jennifer Aniston (Nicole) and Gerard Butler (Milo). The Bounty Hunter (Amazon affiliate link) is a Romantic Comedy about an ex-cop (Milo) who after being dismissed from the force now works as a bounty hunter. Searching for people who jump bail and bringing them to justice. His ex-wife Nicole works as a reporter for a Newspaper.


At this particular time of the movie, Milo becomes broke and is offered $5000 to bring Nicole (his ex-wife) back to jail. It's supposed to be an easy task. All he has to do is go to her house, pick her up and drop her off at the jail but a whole lot of people won't make it easy.


First there's this group of goons Milo owes money. They follow him around the country and they even kidnap Nicole. Second is this guy who's trying to stop Nicole's investigation about a suicide. Turns out the guy has kidnapped the tipper and Nicole has to save him to get the news. Finally there's this guy at Nicole's office, that is totally obsessed about her. He thinks they are in a relationship because she kissed him when she was drunk.


They solve almost all their problems and both end up in Jail and like almost all American Romantic Comedy they kiss at the end.


YOU WANT TO WATCH THIS MOVIE…'COS IT'S AWESOME!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

A-Z of Lagos vocabulary




A – Agbero. Anyone collecting money from Danfo drivers for no apparent reason. I guess this definition includes policemen...hmh.....


B - BRT – Bus Rapid Transport. Another laudable Fashola invention. BRT drivers are the kings of the road. Even with a lane to themselves, they feel the need to drive out of their lanes. Plus they blare their horns like elephant trumpets.


C - Conductor – Anybody shouting the name of any place. E.g. "Oshodi,Oshodi"


D – Danfo – The yellow buses with black stripes. Quick Tip: If your car gets hit by a danfo driver (it certainly will) just drive on like nothing happened.


E – Eko – Generally referring to Lagos or the Marina


F – Fashola. The one and only governor of Lagos State. Eko o ni baje oooh.


G – Galleria. The Silverbird Galleria. The chill spot for every teenager aged 13 -21 with money to waste.


H – H Factor. The prefix to every vowel starting word. As pronounced by the Yoruba man. Or woman.


I – Island. Referring to the Marina, Victoria Island and Ikoyi.


J – JJC. Short for Johnny Just Come. This is what we call all repats and expats.


K – Keke Napep or Keke Marwa. The small yellow tricycles capable of being rolled over by a finger.


L – LASTMA. Lagos State Transport Management Agency. You want to keep your doors locked when
you're nearing that junction. They've really helped the traffic situation though.


M – Maryland. The only spot I know of in the world with 24hours traffic.


N – NEPA. Nigerian Electric Power Authority. Even with the change of name, the services remain the same. So we still call them NEPA and shout: UPNEPA!


O –Okada. This is the sure way to beat traffic and die fast.


P – Police. The Nigerian Police Force. Even after checkpoints were banned in the newspapers, The officers
of the NPF still collect 20 naira from Danfo drivers. They can't deny it because I have pictures.


Q –

R –

S –

T- Traffic. An essential Characteristic of Lagos. You might want to read my post: "I might buy my first car on the road!"


U – University of Lagos. My friend Said: "Where sugar daddies make their pick"


V – VIO. The Vehicle Inspection Office. I'm not allowing any scruffy looking government official into my car!


W – Were. Pronounced: WayRay. Once you've been called Were its either you've done something wrong or there's a Danfo driver behind your car


X –


Y – Yaba Left. On the left side of Yaba lies the psychiatric ward. I have been advised to go there several times but I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. PSYCHE!


Z - Zain. Formerly known as Celtel, Vodafone, V-mobile, Econet. I hear they're about to change the name again.


Please help me fill the appropriate words for the blank letters in the comment section. Sometimes I just don't know what to type.

YAR’ADUA IS DEAD!


On my way to school that morning, my dad's car broke down and I ended up in a Danfo stuck in Maryland traffic. We suddenly passed by a man reading THE PUNCH in his car and I read the headline 'Yar'Adua is dead'.


After months of hiding, hanky panky and political gibberish Yar'Adua finally passed on on the 5th of May, 2010. School was cancelled and I missed my last math class before my exam next week! (That sucks).


I HOPE TURAI IS HAPPY NOW

I got home a few hours later and tuned In to NTA and saw the military tributes to Yar'Adua and I began to think about how his wife hid him for a long time and how she'll probably not get anything more than a few condolence visits and signing of the condolence register. This is because in general, Nigerians are happy. As far as some people are concerned Yar'Adua had been dead since last year! Nigerians are happy because there is no longer an uncertainty over who is president or acting president? Or whether Yar'Adua is going to be impeached or declared unfit for Presidency.


YAR'ADUA'S 'BEFITTING' BURIAL

I put 'befitting' in inverted commas because as the ex-president of a country, I think Yar'Adua deserved a better burial than the flag wrapped body on a bamboo stick they put him on. They even had to carry the body for about 6 kilometres to the burial ground. And I'm like "Where are the military helicopters?" Maybe this happened because of the circumstances surrounding his death. Maybe Not. The people that should have done this probably thought "So that woman finally brought her husband out abi? We won't have a hand in his burial. He'll be buried like a pauper" and they glasses clanked as they drank fine wine and closed up the meeting.I'm just saying.


WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

This means Goodluck Jonathan is now the President of The Federal Republic of Nigeria and Commander of the Armed Forces (I like this title too ooh). I'm seriously hoping in the next year , he's going to do something about power generation. Because as I type this on my laptop I'm running on battery because NEPA (PHCN what's the difference?) seized power a few minutes ago.


JOKES OOH

Thinking about it people with the name 'Goodluck' might have to be forced to change their name. Because I don't want a vice named Goodluck in my life! It is no longer news that Goodluck was governor after Alamieseigha (it was so hard to type this) was arrested for money laundering. Now, Goodluck is president after Yar'Adua suffered multiple organ failures. There are rumors going round that Goodluck has been at this taking-over-game since he became Head Boy at his secondary school. Nigerians are funny oooh.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I Might Buy My First Car On The Road!



If you live in Lagos, you occasionally always go through traffic. In fact Lagos traffic is included in almost all the modern(2000 till date) songs about Lagos. Traffic has become synonymous with Lagos. Even with Lastma's efforts, Lagos = Traffic and Traffic = Lagos.


I suddenly realized one day, the amount of things I could do in traffic. Not because of the time spent in traffic, but the variety of things sold in traffic.


WARNING: This is highly imaginative and fictional.


I'll wake up one morning and jump into Ikorodu Road Traffic. Shouting "Nescafe!" will get me a hot disposable cup of coffee and I can buy 2 rolls of Gala to fill me up for breakfast. Not knowing what's going on in the news, I buy THE PUNCH, still sipping on my coffee, I see someone selling TOP GEAR on the right side of my car. I buy that and EBONY too because the picture of Al Sharpton is just too striking for me not to buy it. Moving on there's a guy selling Audio and Video CD's. Nothing is playing on the danfo radio, so I buy MI's Talk About It and pass it on to the Driver. We're bumping to Anoti in traffic. Now how cool is that.


Now Some guy is saying "oga, you wan buy?" and It's Obama's Audacity of Hope. I can't resist, I mean I've read DREAMS FROM MY FATHER but not AUDACITY OF HOPE. So I buy that too and now there are beggars all over me so I have to give some money away.


Damn! Its so hot today I think I need to buy shades. So I'm doing "pssst" like 3 times and the shades guy is running over. I buy a fake Gucci for 500 bucks and I'm feeling cool with myself.


I get to my office to do some work and by 12 noon, I need to do 'marketing' so I'm on the road again.

Thinking about it I've not tasted that new FanVanille thing they just launched. So I buy one and 2 rolls of Gala. Let's face it Gala always fills you up. I try calling my boss and it turns out I've exhausted my credit. Shouting "MTN" and he's running so fast I'm scared an okada will kill this guy. So I buy a 750 recharge card and I get through to my boss.


I suddenly see a guy selling Rechargeable lamps and Portable DVDs. I call him over yelling "pssst" again (I wonder if that's possible) and I don't want the Portable DVD. I actually need another Rechargeable Lamp because the one in my house recently stopped working. In fact! as far as I can remember I've been buying rechargeable lamps since JS1.


There's a guy in a purple shirt walking up to me selling phones and I yell "starcomms!". The phones are not only cheap, the calls are cheap too. I buy the one that doesn't ask me any questions (My friend has this phone WhoAreWe and there's WhoAreYou and HowAreYou). I am finally getting to my marketing place and what I see is unbelievable! Nike sneakers on sale for 2500. So I get down (I believe 'alight' is a better word but this is Lagos) and I try a pair on and they're my size. So I'm jugging to the marketing place now (I'll change my shoes there) because this Adeola Odeku traffic is killing meeeee.


Aaaargh! I'm thirsty plus I'm wearing an HP laptop-backpack kind of bag (Which I bought at that junction near Maryland last week). I spot a drink seller so I quickly gulp down a bottle of Coke (aaah so refreshing) and I'm jugging again. Thank God I'm not wearing my suit today.


I finally get to my marketing place and I'm super shocked! Somebody Slap me!


There's a row of cars with 'For Sale' Stickers on them. There are Corollas, Camrys, Baby Boys, End of Discussions and the new RAV 4. I'm thinking there's another GLO promo going on but the guy in the front car tells me he already sold 6 cars on the road today.


The deal we make is so good I hurriedly bring out my check and sign at the bottom and the top. I have a new Ride…at least now I don't have to enter Danfos again….THANK YOU JESUS. I'm giving a testimony on Sunday


Damn! I forgot to check out that guy selling Laptops ooooh. I have to do that tomorrow morning in Ikorodu Road traffic.


Your comments are highly appreciated

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Make money on twitter


This is a true and trusted way to make money on twitter...Just click the image above or this link.

Turn your twitter page into a dasboard-style application





This feature only works on Mozilla Firefox and Google Chrome using the extension/add-on monkeyfly.
This extension allows you to:

*Shorten urls
*Add lists columns
*Add mentions column
*Collapse certain columns
*Upload photos directly
*Save draft tweets for updates later
*Add a Direct Messages column
*Edit retweets

For Chrome users
1.       1.Go to the chrome extension page and install monkeyfly
2.       2.Click the settings icon {the spanner} and click extensions. Check that monkeyfly is enabled.
3.       3.Sign out and back into twitter if your page is already open.
4.       4.Watch the tutorial below to learn how to customize your page

For Firefox users
1.       1.Go to the Firefox add-on page and install monkeyfly.
2.       2.Restart Firefox (close and open it again.
3.       3.Go to Tools > Add-ons and enable monkeyfly {If it  is not already enabled}.
4.       4.Sign in to twitter

5.       Watch the tutorial below to learn how to customize your page




IT WILL NEVER BE OVER! - Another ugly truth





You probably don’t remember your very first exam in primary 1. If you passed it, you remember very well. Now, you only had to study for a maximum of 5 days before the exam( I mean how many primary 1 students need to study for exams). Anyway, if you have a really good memory you remember your parents saying it will soon be over and then suddenly, right before your eyes, it was truly over! You felt so excited, you told everyone in your children church who cared to listen that you just finished your Primary 1 exam and you’re going to primary 2! Yay You!

So you kept up with this attitude and then in Primary 6, you realize in other to get to a  good secondary school, you really have to study hard, so now you’re studying for 5 months for like 5 entrance exams and you write all 5 in a space of 2 months and you try to enjoy your holiday for the next 3 months. You finally get into JS1 and you find out secondary school is not a playing ground oooh. So now you’re waking up at 5am to study hard for your Integrated Science exams and your parents are still telling you it’ll all soon be over.

Fast forward into 3 years and you’re writing your JSCEs. But you live in Lagos so you have 2 write the Lagos State and the Federal Exams and now you’re staying up 3 hours every night to study akwa’s past question booklets because there’s this rumour that if you do every question from 1993, an A will just fall into your hands. No one will tell you the syllabus and school system has been changed 3 times since ’93.

Now you’ve finished your JS3 exams, in fact you went to jand for the holidays. 1st C.A of SS1 is over and everybody’s GPA is low. Your teacher tells you its because you used your holiday to eat EBA but you know its now a whole different ball game! Now you have to increase your study time to 6 hours a day or else…………

You wake up one October morning 2 years after and you find out after calling your classmates that you’ve got Chemistry alternative to practicals the next morning. Your chemistry teacher isn’t good enough so you wasted all of the previous holiday in school having extra classes. IGCSEs are finally over in November but your school suddenly decides SS3 students should be made to write their WAEC mock exams. Well, because we think WAEC is moving exams forward this year, exams might come in march!

WAEC finally moves exams forward to April. You’re going to school in your dad’s car one morning and he tells you you’re writing JAMB and you’re like “Why the hell did I write IGCSEs?” but you can’t tell your parents this [ifoti]. Turns out Covenant University, Babcock and Unilag are suddenly good schools.

The WAEC, IGCSE and JAMB drama are all over and you finally made into university and you think this is the time to be a guy as my parents call it. But this year there’s this Uni-battle going on and universities have to prove their students are exceptional so their increasing the length of classes and you only have Saturday and Sunday for recreation. Plus you want a first class oooh.

So Uni is over and you’re now a degree holder and everyone is calling you a graduate. So you wait one year and after teaching In a secondary school during NYSC you know teaching is definitely not for you. You begin your application into all them oil companies with your BA and everyone replies telling you they’re not taking BAs and BSCs no more they now wan’t MA and MSC holders because they have more experience (ehn?).
You find a Masters degree awarding school and in a year or two you’re done with your masters and now you’re working in that company making a million naira a year and you think you have hammered!

At this point in reading this post, you’re probably saying “I’ll just start my own company then”. By the time you start up from home and you’re trying to get contacts, you realize all your parents friends that will give you contracts in your field have started dying and you’re regretting spending that biscuit money they used to give you every Christmas. At least if you had saved them……

10 years later, you’re company is now at the top of the niche and you’re thinking you should stop working for money and let money work for you. Like that ever happens. Anyway, your staff think your company should push for the 1st position in that niche and you have to start a complete overhaul of your company strategy.
In another 5 years, you find yourself on forbes list as one of Nigeria’s richest men with 3 billion Naira. Then you buy a private jet because you think first class is not for you anymore.

So you wake up one morning in 20** and forbes list is trending on something called twitter and it’s because one 24 year old guy that runs you’re children’s favourite social network made $2.4 million in the last year and you’re wondering where you were when this guy was starting and you remember it was the time you started that overhaul in your company. So now, you’re suddenly buying into the internet business and you’re starting otunba mail hiring a couple of graduates who just want a piece of your money. 2 years running and you have to shut down. Nigerians are already used to yahoo mail jare.

Now you’re retired and you’ve hired a young man to oversee all your 25 businesses. So now you can retire and watch your money work for you but the Federal Government of Nigeria will not leave you alone! Since you are now one of Nigeria’s richest men, you suddenly have sweet mouth to talk to politicians as they will listen to you (Money makes the world go round). So you have to show up at Government officials’ children’s wedding whom you’ve never met before and you have to give them monetary gifts.

Someone mysteriously kills all the politicians and you’re secretly heaving a sigh of relief. Suddenly people realize you are successful (where have they been all these years oooh) and now you have 5 photo shoots and 10 newspaper interviews every week. Let’s not even talk about the number of entrepreneurial conferences you’ve had to attend recently.

One morning you wake up and its all White and Golden and they’re some guys with wings as bright as the sun. You look down and the streets are made of gold. You made it to heaven. NOW ITS OVER!

But its not over on earth….someone just passed his primary one exams 
and…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Do you really want me to start all over again?

NETWORK CHAT VIA TEXT THINGY FOR WINDOWS VISTA {patent pending}

One day, {like a village folkore} we had an extremely boring double period math class. We needed to transfer files and chat badly. So I and @joulesdakid came up with this great idea.

Basically following the steps below allows you to chat with members of a network using notepad as an IM tool.

  1. Turn your wireless on.
  2. Go to Start >Click "Connect to".
  3. Click 'Set up a connection or network'
  4. Scroll down to setup a wireless ad-hoc network. Highlight this option. Click next.
  5. Click next again.
  6. Fill in the network name and choose a security type. (The 'open' option allows anyone to connect to your network without a password while the other 2 require passwords to connect)
  7. Select 'Save this network'. Click next.
  8. The network will be setup.
  9. Click 'Network and Sharing Centre to configure file sharing options'
  10. Tell your friends or other users to connect.

CONFIGURING SHARING OPTIONS

  1. Click network and sharing centre
  2. Click the file sharing options and select file sharing without passwords allowing all users to edit, modify and create files.
  3. Open your username folder (the name you use to setup the computer). And on the right sidebar in explorer click the public folder.
  4. In the public folder, Right click an empty space.
  5. Go to new>Text document.
  6. This opens up notepad.
  7. You can name it anything you want and type anything you want.
  8. Other users can also open the document by accessing your public folder in 'Network'.

I strongly advise you use usernames to chat as this makes it easy for all users.

YOUR NETWORK TEXT CHAT IS TURNED ON! J Please share this with the buttons above or below this post.

I'm working on instructions for windows 7 users.


 

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Style your facebook page with facebook styler


This browser extension, Facebook Styler for Google Chrome allows you to modify certain parts of your facebook page.

*Position your sidebars anywhere you want

*Edit transparency options for the top and bottom menus

*Remove the ‘facebook’ icon

*Highlight Events and Birthdays

*Display large images of thumbnails when your mouse hovers above them

*Select a custom filter on your news feed for applications or groups

*Change the colour of the top menu

*Hide certain parts of the facebook page including {but not limited to } the footer, chat, home. Profile, friend   requests and notifications.

To install and use this application you have to:
*      1. Go to the google chrome extension page and install facebook styler
*      2. Click the settings icon (the spanner). Click extensions and check that facebook styler is enabled
*      3. Click options to customize your facebook page as you wish.

I’m still looking for a customization extension for Firefox and Internet Explorer users.

12 TIPS TO SURVIVING THE LAGOS HEAT WAVE


I was inspired to write this after I checked out Lagos’ temperature on windows live and it turned out it was 31°C but it felt like 39°C. The following tips should save you from going crazy!

Go white: The colour for the season is white, white, white, white is the best reflector of light and heat so all the heat from the sun gets reflected away. Do not wear black. Black will absorb all the heat from the surroundings and you’ll be sweating like the legendary Christmas goat.

6 glasses of water + extra. You should drink at least 6 glasses of water a day to prevent dehydration. You should also take along with you a bottle of water or two every where you go so you don’t sweat to death. You want to be careful the brand of water you buy in traffic.

Go to the mall: Eventually NEPA will strike and your gen will one day die from overheating.At this point you should find your way to the nearest mall or supermarket near you. They should have their air conditioner on. This will help a lot.

The classic white handkerchief: Also acting as a heat reflector is the white handkerchief. The white handkerchief absorbs just the right amount from the surface of your skin. You do not want to try a black handkerchief ooh.

Go out in air-conditioned vehicles: This is probably the worst time to go in a danfo because everybody else is sweating and smelling. You want to take advantage of the new airconditioned BRTs and private cabs. If you think private cabs are too expensive, take the regular cab. At least other people’s smell won’t be all over you by the time you get off.

Leave before/after noon: At noon the sun is at its highest altitude. This means the sun is right above your head and is ready to burn our skin off. Leaving before the sun is up at noon means you leave at lower temperatures. Do I have to explain what going out in the evening does?

Shades on: To protect your eyes from Ultraviolet Rays from the sun,  you want to wear dark shades. Please, please, and please do not wear shades in a building except if you are in a music video!

Sunscreen for light people: It is no longer a myth that UV rays from the sun will damage the skin of light people. If you’re light or white you need to apply sun screen to protect yourself from UV rays which could lead to skin cancer!

The deodorant/anti-perspirant: Anti perspirants reduce the amount of sweat from the under arms while deodorants kill that awful smell. Most brands are a combination of both. You really want to use this if you’re going with the danfo or the non-airconditioned BRTs.

Stay off the suit, sweater, pashmina and all the rubbish. Sometimes I try to understand why some people wear suits and sweaters on the road. If you have to wear a suit at your office, you want to leave it behind when you’re going out. If you have to take it with you I advise you just hold it up with a hand.

Hold an umbrella: I don’t know what gives people the impression that umbrellas are just for the rains. Umbrellas are also for protection from the sun and will save your head from getting burnt.

Go out with friends: Going out with one or two friends is probably the cheapest advice. At least all of you won’t go crazy from the heat (you could start seeing mirages) and there is always someone around to call the emergency lines when there is a problem.

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THE COLD ESCAPEMENT THEORY

During another boring math class, a discussion about cold came up. My friend {a biology student} said the reason we always get colds is because there are about 100 variants of the cold virus. Now everytime you’ve gotten a cold in your life, it wasn’t caused by the same variant because the brain has something called ‘B’ cells that remembers the variants and protects you against them.

Our hypothesis: “If there is a limited number of cold variants, then a young human that has all of them might never have another cold in his life. Provided he has been exposed to all existing variants of the cold virus”
Find that cold now!

Note: I will not be held responsible for any liabilities caused by this hypothesis because it has not been scientifically tested or proven. Searching for  a cold is at your own risk!

Monday, May 3, 2010

DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE - The DaGrin story

I’ll probably be highly criticized for doing this. I strongly feel this is the right time to write this and get the word out before we loose more people.

A few weeks ago, Nigeria lost one of its ace rappers DaGrin in a motor accident. In the space of a few years DaGrin had warmed himself into our hearts with his mixture of Yoruba and English rhymes. DaGrin on his way home after a couple of drinks that night, ran his car into a parked trailer on the road in his 2 week old Nissan Maxima. DaGrin’s car was so badly crashed that Doctors said only a miracle could save him as his organs had been badly damaged. DaGrin finally gave up the ghost 2 weeks ago on a Thursday night. Alcohol is said to reduce the human perception rate (the rate at which  you see things happening) by up to 50%. By the time DaGrin saw the trailer ahead of him, it was too late to turn away.

IF DAGRIN DIDN’T HAVE THOSE DRINKS
·         *DaGrin would have performed at the O2 arena in London. All artistes that have performed here have never   had their lives the same again.
·         *DaGrin would have one of three Hip Hop World Awards he was nominated for.
·         *DaGrin would continue to enjoy life in his brand new Nissan and finally begin to enjoy his money he had worked for in the last couple of years.
·         *DaGrin was scheduled to perform at an Etisalat gig in Unilag on the 23rd of April.
·         *DaGrin had a United States Embassy appointment.

So I was watching a rhythm unplugged special on DaGrin a few days ago and DJ Zeez was saying we shouldn’t talk about how he died because that is not what matters.

IT MATTERS OOH. If we do not address the issues that face young Nigerians , I’m afraid Many DaGrins will die before they are even heard on radio. A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE. MA SO PE MI O SO FUNYIN

Durella Misiyaski Too Gbaski do you copy?


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