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Sunday, May 9, 2010

IT WILL NEVER BE OVER! - Another ugly truth

You probably don’t remember your very first exam in primary 1. If you passed it, you remember very well. Now, you only had to study for a maximum of 5 days before the exam( I mean how many primary 1 students need to study for exams). Anyway, if you have a really good memory you remember your parents saying it will soon be over and then suddenly, right before your eyes, it was truly over! You felt so excited, you told everyone in your children church who cared to listen that you just finished your Primary 1 exam and you’re going to primary 2! Yay You!

So you kept up with this attitude and then in Primary 6, you realize in other to get to a  good secondary school, you really have to study hard, so now you’re studying for 5 months for like 5 entrance exams and you write all 5 in a space of 2 months and you try to enjoy your holiday for the next 3 months. You finally get into JS1 and you find out secondary school is not a playing ground oooh. So now you’re waking up at 5am to study hard for your Integrated Science exams and your parents are still telling you it’ll all soon be over.

Fast forward into 3 years and you’re writing your JSCEs. But you live in Lagos so you have 2 write the Lagos State and the Federal Exams and now you’re staying up 3 hours every night to study akwa’s past question booklets because there’s this rumour that if you do every question from 1993, an A will just fall into your hands. No one will tell you the syllabus and school system has been changed 3 times since ’93.

Now you’ve finished your JS3 exams, in fact you went to jand for the holidays. 1st C.A of SS1 is over and everybody’s GPA is low. Your teacher tells you its because you used your holiday to eat EBA but you know its now a whole different ball game! Now you have to increase your study time to 6 hours a day or else…………

You wake up one October morning 2 years after and you find out after calling your classmates that you’ve got Chemistry alternative to practicals the next morning. Your chemistry teacher isn’t good enough so you wasted all of the previous holiday in school having extra classes. IGCSEs are finally over in November but your school suddenly decides SS3 students should be made to write their WAEC mock exams. Well, because we think WAEC is moving exams forward this year, exams might come in march!

WAEC finally moves exams forward to April. You’re going to school in your dad’s car one morning and he tells you you’re writing JAMB and you’re like “Why the hell did I write IGCSEs?” but you can’t tell your parents this [ifoti]. Turns out Covenant University, Babcock and Unilag are suddenly good schools.

The WAEC, IGCSE and JAMB drama are all over and you finally made into university and you think this is the time to be a guy as my parents call it. But this year there’s this Uni-battle going on and universities have to prove their students are exceptional so their increasing the length of classes and you only have Saturday and Sunday for recreation. Plus you want a first class oooh.

So Uni is over and you’re now a degree holder and everyone is calling you a graduate. So you wait one year and after teaching In a secondary school during NYSC you know teaching is definitely not for you. You begin your application into all them oil companies with your BA and everyone replies telling you they’re not taking BAs and BSCs no more they now wan’t MA and MSC holders because they have more experience (ehn?).
You find a Masters degree awarding school and in a year or two you’re done with your masters and now you’re working in that company making a million naira a year and you think you have hammered!

At this point in reading this post, you’re probably saying “I’ll just start my own company then”. By the time you start up from home and you’re trying to get contacts, you realize all your parents friends that will give you contracts in your field have started dying and you’re regretting spending that biscuit money they used to give you every Christmas. At least if you had saved them……

10 years later, you’re company is now at the top of the niche and you’re thinking you should stop working for money and let money work for you. Like that ever happens. Anyway, your staff think your company should push for the 1st position in that niche and you have to start a complete overhaul of your company strategy.
In another 5 years, you find yourself on forbes list as one of Nigeria’s richest men with 3 billion Naira. Then you buy a private jet because you think first class is not for you anymore.

So you wake up one morning in 20** and forbes list is trending on something called twitter and it’s because one 24 year old guy that runs you’re children’s favourite social network made $2.4 million in the last year and you’re wondering where you were when this guy was starting and you remember it was the time you started that overhaul in your company. So now, you’re suddenly buying into the internet business and you’re starting otunba mail hiring a couple of graduates who just want a piece of your money. 2 years running and you have to shut down. Nigerians are already used to yahoo mail jare.

Now you’re retired and you’ve hired a young man to oversee all your 25 businesses. So now you can retire and watch your money work for you but the Federal Government of Nigeria will not leave you alone! Since you are now one of Nigeria’s richest men, you suddenly have sweet mouth to talk to politicians as they will listen to you (Money makes the world go round). So you have to show up at Government officials’ children’s wedding whom you’ve never met before and you have to give them monetary gifts.

Someone mysteriously kills all the politicians and you’re secretly heaving a sigh of relief. Suddenly people realize you are successful (where have they been all these years oooh) and now you have 5 photo shoots and 10 newspaper interviews every week. Let’s not even talk about the number of entrepreneurial conferences you’ve had to attend recently.

One morning you wake up and its all White and Golden and they’re some guys with wings as bright as the sun. You look down and the streets are made of gold. You made it to heaven. NOW ITS OVER!

But its not over on earth….someone just passed his primary one exams 
and…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Do you really want me to start all over again?

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