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Sunday, June 20, 2010

Sarcastic Tips to making it in the Nigerian Music Industry

This is almost guaranteed 100% to help up-coming artistes in the music industry. Note: I said Sarcastic tips.

1.       Sign a record deal with Mo-hits, Kennis, Storm 360, Empire Mates, Trybe Records. They’ve been so long in the industry they know everybody from the Grandfathers, to the Fathers and the Sons….yet to be born.

2.       Get Cobhams, TY Mix or Don Jazzy(Again) to do a beat for you.

3.       Knock about 3 women up and sing about it. (2 face – implication)

4.       Do a remix of a Jay-Z or 50 cent song even if it only features them (Banky’s EbuteMetta and Modenine’s Comedy Money) I still love you guys though.

5.       Sing gospel  music first then start singing about booze or money. Better still start from the church choir! (the list is so long…I don’t think I can exhaust it)

6.       Post your videos on notjustok, sturvs and bellanaija.

7.       Sing about the Bentley you don’t have (D-Banj)

8.       Get someone to do a really nice beat and then say rubbish on it (Bracket – No time “No time eh, Better thing no they last eh”)

9.       Make sure all the girls in your videos wear bikinis. If they don’t wear bikinis make sure we can see almost half their boobs. Your song will be  a hit in weeks.(Why are y’all shouting Dbanj now?)

10.   Shoot your videos in England or South Africa and put some white girls in your video!

11.   Create a facebook fan page and invite everyone. If they don’t like your song they’ll unlike you though.

12.   You need a catch phrase. (Naeto C – Yes boss, D-banj – I’m D Banj, Don Jazzy – Don jazzy again, Wande Coal –Wande Coal)

13.   Play CDs at all your event performances. Razz audiences just love this.

14.   Join a road tour with Glo or MTN. You will surely hammer.

15.   Get a foreign (probably American) artiste on one of your track (Tuface ft. R.Kelly – Flex. Even if R.Kelly has never met Tuface before)

16.   Put M.I on your track everyone will listen to it because M.I is on it. All people want to see is ft. M.I and they will surely listen to your tracks.

17.   Start very young. Okay this one is serious.

W   What do you think? Am i right or am i right?

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