This is where my thoughts go.....You're reading my mind!

Ads By Google

Sunday, July 31, 2011

A Broken Woman

"I can't do this anymore", and with those words, the falling of the walls of Jericho recurred. Only it was my heart. I quickly looked down because I couldn't bare the sight of this man. I couldn't stand to see what killed me. I looked down and saw even worse; the pieces of my broken heart shedding tears. They were shedding the tears I could not. They were feeling the pain my chest could not withhold. These pieces glowed like my hazel eyes on a sunny day, only that the Sun in my heart had disappeared. The Sun decided it was time to go, just as Mike decided he couldn't do anymore.

I crouched by the door, and began to clutch my belly because I felt as though my insides had made love to Muhammad Ali's greatest punch. I saw his mouth moving, but I never heard a word. I couldn't bear to hear a word because I had heard it all before. I had heard it more times than I could account for, so I had had enough. My mind began to wander in search of reasons. What could I have done? Is it my new hair? Did I say something? I mean, we were just cosy last night...what changed? Did you go off me? Did I say something in my sleep? Did you have a bad dream of me? What could I possibly have done?

Of all the things I thought, I couldn't find a justifiable reason as to why he couldn't "do this anymore", I just couldn't. I gave it my all and my best. This was it, you know? The last of all, the best of all. I put the effort. I put the work. It was perfect, yet Mike didn't think so.

Bang! went the door, and out went the one thing I loved more than Shakespeare loved to write. But in stayed my dignity, my strength, and my pride as a woman. In stayed the one piece of my heart that never gave up during hard times. In stayed my faith in myself when life came a-crumbling.

Or maybe I am just a liar because of what I did next. I got up and ran out of my house as fast as the wind could carry me. I gave him a hug and thanked him for the best four years of my life. My lips found themselves against his, our tongues clashing in a way that made me gleeful inside. To this day, I don't understand why I did that. Maybe it was the taste of his lips, and the things they whispered to me that afternoon. Maybe it was the comfort I got from kissing him. I just knew that I needed that one last kiss. Maybe I felt like I needed something to assure me that we ended on good terms. The soft touch of his lips, and the way his strong hands stroked my back revived me. I didn't want to let go, but I did. Maybe the time was right. The time had to be right.

Mike brought sunshine, but he also brought a pain. It wasn't a bother because the test of love is to take the good and bad times alike. Our good and bad qualities made us and kept us. We could stand each other. That was a good thing. He brought more sunshine than pain, don't you worry. When he walked out of the door, I felt a sense of relief amidst the pain in my chest. There is always a positive outcome from a bad situation, isn't there? I think so too. This had to be true because if Mike hadn't walked out, I wouldn't be where I am today. But it is a story for another day.

Every time I tell the story of our last day together, I cringe at how young and stupid I was. I questioned the issues with us women. What is it with us though? When a man tells us that it's high time he left, we begin to think a lot and sometimes, we think the worst. Is it my hair? Is it the way my leg slides to your side at night? Is it my breath? Did I whisper something in my sleep? Did I say another man's name during sex? Oh, God. It's my new hair, isn't it? Does your mother hate me?

It's atrocious. It is because half of the time, it's a reason that can be fairly justified, not the silly things that we're all meant to love and giggle at.
What do you think Mike's reason was for leaving me? Can you guess? Think of how happy I am today, and think of my reaction. It couldn't have been that bad right? Or am I just unreliable?

Based on a story I heard; I wonder about the strength of women in love relationships and the moment they hear the words "it's over"..
This was written in a hurry, pardon the, dare I say, rubbish ending.