This is where my thoughts go.....You're reading my mind!

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Sunday, December 4, 2011

It's My Way, What's Yours?

I've just realised something that annoys me. I like to think of things that make me happy, sad, angry, etc. so  that when someone asks, I don't have to go all: "Hmm, I don't know. Let me think. Hmm. Hmm"
That's annoying. Then again, it's probably just me.

Anyway, one thing that grinds my gears is people telling me to take a chill pill and stop being anti-social or uptight, telling me to have fun sometimes, and stop staying indoors or reading. -_-

First of all, just like shopping or playing football is your hobby, I like to think reading and sitting inside my house are my hobbies too. What's it to you?



Secondly, and most importantly, if you knew the amount of work I had to do, you won't tell me to take a chill pill. I can't afford to take a chill pill with life at the moment.
The only time I can (and will) take a chill pill is when I get into a university. Even then, I doubt I'd be relaxed. Well, I know I would have a bit of time to do some things I missed out on, but being on my own and reading a book (indoors) is my thing, it's a part of me. I like to think it's my personality, my character. I can't change it, and I can't stop it. It's, as I like to say, second nature.
The way I see it, I don't see what else I w/could be doing other than what needs be done. Say, at the moment, I have to get good A Levels to go to a 'good' university, with my record in the last year, enjoying life should not be on my to-do list. So I don't see what I would be doing rather than reading what is essential, writing essays, and even completing 16 - 20 hours of study a week. Where is the time to live life and be 'down-tight', I prithee, where?

People think it's loser-ish when you want to sit at home and do something, even when you're not doing anything productive, just sitting at home. I've never understood it. 'Living life', to me, looks like it's slightly overrated. I walk around town on my own sometimes trying to find what it is that people look for outside, but I don't see anything that thrills me. If anything, it's only the world of nature, and I would rather sit in a park and marvel at how beautiful the trees look with their leaves fallen, and how Winter is a symbol of death, yet it can make things so beautiful..
I love the world of nature, and I've come to appreciate it as the great Romantics did. I just wish I could put my appreciation of nature down in the form of poetry as the likes of Thomas Hardy and S.T Coleridge did. If only...
Anyway...
You find people that step out of their houses without any motive for the day, only to message their friends: "What's the motive for the day? What are you saying? Let's hit this place up..."
Sorry, I don't understand that kind of lifestyle, and I refuse to be a part of it. I find it quite pointless, but that is because of the way I see life, and the circumstances I'm living in. In fact, to call it pointless is putting it lightly, I find it quite stupid. Then again, stupid means different things to stupid [honest mistake] different people, so don't get pissed. :)
I mean, how can you wake up and say I'm going outside today with no motive, I'm just going outside. Is that not the beginning of madness?
Then again, I think it's just down to me really. Nothing outside thrills me, I would rather sit in my house watching films based on literary novels I have read, or reading a piece of Literature. Or just getting my work done, as I rightly should.
I also don't think I'm a boring person as such. Then again, what 'boring' actually means is another topic for another day - it's subjective. Fun is subjective too. And the way I see 'fun' is, it's something that makes me happy, you know? Something that satisfies me inside, and makes me feel like my life has a purpose that I am fulfilling, so if you don't like it, then whatever.
I'm not going to apologise for me.


Safe.
Afrigator