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Monday, December 5, 2011

My Fears



So a whole lot of disappointing stuff has happened in my life this year. I mean real life disappointing stuff. Not the one that happens when your friend forgets to bring your calculator on the day you have a math exam. Way way deeper than that. For those of you who've been reading this blog for a while, you'll understand what I'm taking about. So here's a list of things I'm scared my experience will bring.



Fear Of Failure

Not yet sure if this exists or not. Like, I've failed many many times in my life but I haven't had that big, life-changing failure. You know the one where you put all your energy and money into a venture and it fails woefully. It hasn't happened yet. Or maybe I've passed it and I didn't even know.

Fear of Mediocrity

This is probably what I'm scared of the most. I'm scared that after my experience, I'll be one of those people who settle for the lowest grade of things. And wehn things don't go well, they'll blame a 'system' or say 'that's how we've always done it'.

Fear of Lost Time

Not that there'll never be enough or there'll be too much but I'm scared I'll be late. I'm not so sure what it is I'll be late for but I'm afraid there'll be this big opportunity and whoever's in charge will say "Oh, we had this last year". Or "You missed this last week". Se understand?

Fear of Lost Emotions

As usual readers will notice, I don't express here or anywhere anger anymore. Some super deep stuff happened in October(I can't even post it here) and I think it's changed me. I tend to bottle a lot of things up these days. Usually I'll see something go wrong and I'll say "YO! THAT'S JUST WRONG!" Now I'm like "Oh well, E no concayn me" *kanye shrug*

Fear Of Lost Opinions

Like I said, I just watch stuff now. It's probably due to the October event. The only opinons I have these days are tech opinons. I rarely have opinons on anything else. There's this fear. I'm not sure where it's from but there's this fear that I'll say something and someone will walk up to my house and pepperspray me. Or I'll get arrested.

Am I growing Older

I turned 18 in August so maybe I'm growing older or something. Maybe that's how life is. Maybe Not.

Almost forgot my sense of humor. I don't crack jokes anymore. Maybe it's cos there aren't a lot of people around. Will I get it back when everyone's around again? Probably! Or Not

Big ups to everyone who's taken some time out of their study time to talk to me. I appreciate it guys, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.
Afrigator